I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
