am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My cat gives me a boner
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
