my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
