dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
