I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
