what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
