thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
