I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
love makes seman taste better
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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