so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found puke in my bra..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
