just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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