I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she told me i tasted like america
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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