At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
