there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
