When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
