can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
