I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
