A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
