Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
