i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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