I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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