you guys were way drunker than both of me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
