how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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