There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
