Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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