I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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