i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
