youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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