she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
