They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
