I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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