Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
