I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
