i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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