She is in my trunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
