nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
