there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
