i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
