I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
