aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
