i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
