FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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