What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this will be a night to untag.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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