If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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