I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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