Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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