How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
