I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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