I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
