you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no you cant smoke seaweed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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