i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
