Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
