Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
