haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
