i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You smell like stripper and shame
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
