After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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