He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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