He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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